They are very delicate and should be eaten within a day of purchase and ideally within a few hours, so I had to get to cooking and get these lovely flowers in my stomach ASAP. One of the most common ways to prepare them is by stuffing them with a soft cheese mixture, dipping them in batter, and deep frying. My specific recipe is based on my pantry contents at the time, all quantities are approximate. The end result was delicious and and had a faint zucchini flavor.

Fried Squash Blossoms

~12 squash blossoms
1/2 cup goat cheese
1/2 cup mascarpone
1/4 cup chives , minced
1 clove garlic, minced
salt & pepper
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1 cup cornmeal (can also use flour or masa harina)
vegetable oil

To prepare the blossoms, rinse gently with water and drain. Gently open the flower and clean out the inside of any insects or debris and trim off the reproductive organs. For male blossoms, trim the stem to about 1″ long. For female blossoms, you can leave the squash on if desired.

Mix together the goat cheese, mascarpone, chives, and garlic. Salt and pepper to taste.  Roll about a teaspoon of cheese into a ball and stuff into the blossom and gently close the petals and twist the ends to hold the filling. Repeat with all blossoms.

Beat together the eggs and milk and dip the blossoms into the mixture, and then roll it in the cornmeal.

Fill a skillet with about 1″ of oil and heat to 350°F. Fry the blossoms in small batches until golden brown. Drain over a baking rack and serve immediately.

The San Francisco MOMA sells a beautiful Mondrian cake for $8 a slice. It’s a museum attraction unto itself:

With my masterful understanding of economic theory, I decided to make my own Mondrian cake, which I could then sell for $7 a slice. Devious! Unfortunately, it is a lot easier to boast about making a Mondrian cake than actually making an intriciate, perfectly square art cake that is worth charging $7 a slice for.

My recipe was a basic white velvet cake and dark chocolate ganache, both adapted from (say it with me now) Rose’s Heavenly Cakes. In retrospect, a denser pound cake would have worked a lot better structurally. My blue and yellow food coloring was hastily purchased from the grocery store and the color concentration was so miserable that after using the entire tube on a quarter-batch of batter, I had only the palest of icy blues. I was able to achieve pureed a decent blue color by pureeing frozen blueberries and mixing it in with the batter and scrapped the yellow cake completely.

The ganache on the bottom of the cake stuck to the wax paper, forcing me to serve the cake on the same messy sheet that I had decorated it on, losing me presentation points right off the bat. Cutting so many small squares left crumbs all over the table, and it was very difficult to get a crumb-free frosting. Any unevenness in pressure in applying the frosting led to deformation of the cake, and the square shape gradually deteriorated into an irregular trapezoid.

The only good thing about a project like this is the sheer quantity of leftover cake you get to eat. There is excess red and blue cake, excess white cake, and two endcaps that need to be sliced off to even out all the strips of cake. Delicious, if a bit sad to look at.

Total creation time was about 3 hours, which included baking three cakes in two batches.

White Velvet Cake from Rose’s Heavenly Cakes
3 large egg whites (90 g)
2/3 cup milk (160 g)
1.5 teaspoon vanilllla extract
2 cups cake or AP flour (200 g)
1 cup baker’s sugar (200 g)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 stick unsalted butter, softened (113 g)

The recipe above makes one 9×2 round cake, I scaled it up to a 9×2 square cake which entails multiplying everything by 1.27.

Whisk the egg whites, vanilla, and a few tablespoons of milk together until combined.

In a large bowl, beat together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt until well combined and any clumps are broken up. Add the butter and remaining milk and slowly increase the speed to medium and beat for 1½ minutes, scraping the sides of the bowl as necessary. The batter should be light and fluffy.

Add half of the egg mixture and beat for 30 seconds, then the other half and beat for another 30 seconds. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and bake until a cake tester comes out clean and the cake springs back when pressed lightly in the center, about 30-40 minutes.

One batch of batter can be divided into two standard 9″ loaf pans to make the blue and red cakes. Mix in either food coloring or a fruit puree until desired color is reached and bake.

Cool completely before frosting.

Dark Chocolate Ganache
12 oz dark chocolate (62%)
5 oz heavy cream, warm
2.5 oz unsalted butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler, remove from heat and add in the heavy cream, stirring until even in color and texture. Allow the chocolate to cool until warm to the touch and and gently stir in the butter and vanilla. Ganache will thicken when allowed to cool. To apply in thin layers, I ended up drizzling warm ganache to get an even application and then smoothing it out and scraping off the excess with a spatula after it thickens upon cooling. This helps to avoid stirring up any crumbs from the soft cake.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve baked a cake, a funk I attribute to a combination of general laziness, pesky real-life problems, and a lingering malaise brought about by watching the much-lauded but highly depressing TV crime drama The Wire.

I needed something to snap me out of the funk so I strapped on my apron and attempted to bake until the corruption, despair, and hopelessness of inner-city decay was purged my mind. It worked pretty well until The Boyfriend and I settled in to watch the next episode, which is more about the gritty realism of The Wire than about the healing powers of this cake.

This recipe comes courtesy of Shuna Fish Lydon and features a caramel syrup that appears in both the batter and frosting and is also drizzled on top for extra caramel goodness. The frosting is best with a little more sea salt, which adds some complexity to what is usually a sugar explosion.

Caramel Syrup

2 cups sugar
1/2 cup water
1 cup water for stopping the caramelization

You probably want to have long sleeves on for this part as the caramel can jump and sputter when the water is poured in and burns can happen. Sugar syrup holds an amazing amount of heat. I still have burn marks on my fingers from making Candied Apples when I was a kid, but that didn’t stop me from burning my tongue when I tasted it .

In a small saucepan with tall sides, mix the sugar and 1/2 cup water until mixture feels like wet sand. Use a wet pastry brush to brush down any stray sugar crystals. Turn on heat to highest flame and cook until the syrup is dark amber and smoking slightly.

Pour in the remaining cup of water, pouring evenly and smoothly with control will minimize splatter. Whisk the syrup over medium heat until it has reduced slightly and feels thicker and heavier on the whisk. If you remove a drop and allow it to cool, it should feel sticky to the touch. The end viscosity should be like that of maple syrup.

Caramel Cake

2 cups AP flour, I used 10oz per the guidelines on her blog
½ teaspoon baking powder
5oz unsalted butter, softened
1¼ cups sugar
½ teaspoon kosher salt (or ¼ teaspoon table salt)
1⁄3 cup caramel syrup, cooled to room temperature
2 large eggs, room temperature (I used 100g / 3.5oz of egg)
splash vanilla extract
1 cup milk, room temperature

Preheat oven to 350°F and butter and flour a tall 9″ cake pan. I used a 2″ deep pan, but 2.5″ would probably have been better.

Sift together the flour and baking powder and set aside.

Cream the butter in a mixer until soft and light and add the sugar and salt. Cream until the mixture is airy and fluffy. Slowly add the caramel syrup, letting it get combined in before adding more. Add the eggs and vanilla in the same manner, beating well after each addition to maintain a light and airy batter.

Alternate adding the flour mixture with the cup of milk, mixing in 1/3 of the total in each addition. Mix the batter after each addition until it is incorporated into the batter, scraping down the bowl as needed.

When the batter is smooth and uniform, pour into the prepared cake pan and bake for 45-50 minutes, rotating once after 30 minutes. Cake is done when a tester comes out clean and the top of the cake springs back to the touch.

Caramelized Butter Frosting

6oz unsalted butter
1 pound confectioner’s sugar, sifted
4-6 tablespoons heavy cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2-4 tablespoons caramel syrup
salt to taste

Cook butter until brown and strain through a fine sieve to remove the butter solids. Let cool.

Beat the sugar into the cooled brown butter, adding a little at a time. When the mixture is too dry to take more sugar, add some of the cream or caramel syrup and resume beating in the sugar. Continue until the mixture is smooth and all the sugar is incorporated. Add salt to taste.

I had a little bit of difficulty with the end texture of the frosting, and it turns out that Stacy was experiencing problems both times that she made this recipe too. I used 4 tablespoons of heavy cream and 4 tablespoons of caramel syrup, and the end result came out a bit too dry. I think a little more fat in the form of cream would make it a little easier to work with, but just know that you’re not alone if you have issues with the frosting.

Every few weeks the varieties of citrus fruit available at the farmer’s market change, and I end up with a new type of clementine, mandarin, or tangerines. And last week, after taste testing the wares, I came home with a box of Perfection tangerines. Twenty-five pounds of deliciousness! As I was leaving the stall, the merchant warned me that Perfections were harder to peel than the other varietals.  ”No problem!” I cheerily replied, for I am a master peeler of all manners of citrus fruit.

Six days later, about twenty three pounds of tangerines were still sitting in their box, taunting me. These poorly named little bastards clung so tightly to their peel that any attempts at extraction were met with squirts of juice. No longer could I curl up on the couch with a book and a handful of tangerines. I couldn’t even go out of the house without changing my clothes after eating a few. Peeling was something that needed to be done over the sink to avoid drenching everything nearby with a sticky spray of brightly hued juice.  Something drastic had to be done to clear the house of these delicious little devils. I needed a delicious way to use up a lot of tangerines at once.

Ex-cellent.

Tangerine Granita

5 cups tangerine juice
juice from 2 lemons
3 tablespoons rum (optional, but improves the texture)
sugar to taste (typically about 1/3 cup or so, but these tangerines were so sweet I was able to go without)

Combine all the ingredients together and pour into a chilled shallow pan. Freeze the mixture and stir and scrape every few hours to make a crushed ice which will turn into the consistency of a slushy by the third repetition. Serve in a chilled glass.

Let that be a lesson to any citrus fruit who would try to make a fool out of me.

I was so hungry by the time I actually set out to make dinner that I didn’t have the energy to make proper sides . Fortunately for me, beautifully caramelized scallops hide a lot of sins.

Caramelized Scallops

Large sea scallops, drained and trimmed of the side muscle
Clarified butter
Salt

Lay the scallops on a sheet of paper towel and pat dry. Heat a large stainless steel pan over medium high heat and add a few tablespoons of clarified butter and a pinch of salt. When the butter begins to ripple and just starts to smoke, add the scallops. Make sure to space them at least an inch apart from each other so any steam can escape. Crowding the scallops will cause them to steam and you will get soggy scallops. Let the scallops cook for at least 2 minutes without touching them. When they are ready to be flipped, they will not stick to the pan, but disturbing them early is a good way to have crusty scallop bits on the bottom of your pan and not on your scallop. When you flip the scallops, move them to a previously uncovered part of the pan to get a hotter surface. Cook until the second side is also caramelized.

Magical Butter Sauce adapted from Tasty Kitchen

2 oz of butter
1 tablespoon of fruit preserves (in this case, orange marmalade)
Splash of balsamic vinegar
Salt and pepper

Combine all ingredients in a saucepan and heat until the preserves melt into the butter. Drizzle over your scallops.

Choosing this pie was an attempt to avoid some of the headaches of a proper fruit pie. Dark chocolate ganache serves as the base, while meyer lemon curd adds a sweet, tangy kick.

I still need to work on perfecting my decorative crust technique, but the flavor combination worked delightfully well. Another perk: every ingredient was something I’ve made before. The pie crust recipe is the same one that worked so nicely for the apple pie and the ganache and lemon curd are the same recipes, with mild adjustments. I’ve been progressively decreasing the amount of butter and sugar I use when I make lemon curd to make increasingly tart curds. It gets balanced out by the crust and the chocolate, but if you like less lemon-ness in your lemon curd, keep using the old recipe or adjust the sugar and butter to taste.

All Butter Pie Crust via Shuna Fish Lydon

Makes enough for a pie bottom

1 cup of all purpose flour (I used 9.2 oz)
2 tablespoons sugar
4 oz butter, cut into equal pieces and frozen
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
ice water

Assemble all dry ingredients in the bowl of a stand mixer. Use paddle attachment on mixer and drop the butter in a few pieces at a time. When the chunks of butter are slightly larger than pea size, dribble in ice water until the dough just begins to come together. Do not wait until it forms a ball. It is ready when it stops looking dry and barely starts to bind to itself.

Stop the mixer and turn it on to a lightly floured work surface. Flour your hands and  just push the dough together into a ball. The dough is ready to use immediately without resting.

Roll out the pie crust and press into your pie pan. Line the crust with parchment paper and fill with pie weights or beans. Bake the crust at 350°F for about 15 minutes, or until the crust begins to turn golden. Remove the paper and weights and dock the bottom of the pie with a fork and return to the oven for another 15 minutes, until the crust is a nice golden brown.

Chocolate Ganache

1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons sugar
1/2 cup heavy cream
7 oz / 200 grams dark chocolate, chopped

Whisk the egg yolk and sugar until well combined. Melt the chocolate and cream together in a double boiler and remove from heat. Add the chocolate mixture into the egg mixture, stirring until smooth and the sugar is dissolved.

Extra Tart Meyer Lemon Curd

3/4 cup Meyer lemon juice
zest from said lemons
1/3 cup granulated sugar
3 large eggs
6 ounces butter, cut into small pieces

Heat a saucepan with about an inch water over medium high heat. In a metal bowl large enough to function as a double broiler, whisk together the juice, zest, sugar and egg. When the water is simmering, turn the heat down to low and place the metal bowl over the saucepan. Whisk the lemon mixture until it thickens about 5 to 6 minutes. You should be able to coat a spoon and draw a clean line on the back with a finger. Remove the bowl from the heat and stir in the butter one piece at a time, letting each piece get fully incorporated before adding the next. Strain the curd through a sieve or tamis to remove the zest. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until chilled. Keeps for up to 1 week. Stir before using.

Lemon Curd Pie with Chocolate Ganache

To make the finished pie, simply layer the ganache and then the lemon curd into the pie. Refrigerate to let the curd firm up, at least 1 hr, before serving.

With a little help from Cook’s Illustrated, Smitten Kitchen, and Shuna Fish Lydon pastry chef extraordinaire, I managed to cobble (heh) together a lumpy heap of fruit wrapped in crust.

It smelled amazing. And seeing the steam rise out as it was cooling was pretty cool, I’ll admit. Very homey in a way that cake rarely manages to be.

The recipe called for 4 pounds of apples in two different varieties. Smitten Kitchen seemed to confirm this. The recipe instructions said to “mound slightly in center”. My pie pan was half an inch bigger than required. My apples were smaller than described so more of it was core and had to be discarded.

I was only halfway through the bowl of filling when I hit generously mounded status. Nonetheless, I was not about to question culinary gurus with far more baking experience than me. If the recipe says 4 pounds of apples, then by golly I am going to stuff 4 pounds of apples in that pie. The end result was an assertive high-rise of apples barely contained by a crust that was rapidly developing excess venting holes under the strain of enveloping such a load.

Of course, after it cooled and the steam escaped, the pile of apple filling collapsed to a reasonable height while the shell remained the original height. Hmph. I suppose that’s part of being rustic. Or something.

Superficialities aside, the crust was flaky and buttery, and the apple filling was tart and sweet and cinnamon-y and nutmeg-y in all the right ways . While the presentation may leave something to be desired, it seems as if the pie itself is a winner.

At every step of this recipe, the crust should be kept as cold as possible. If you are not actively handling it, it should be in the fridge.

All Butter Pie Crust via Shuna Fish Lydon (did I mention she used to be the pastry chef at The French Laundry?)

Makes enough for a pie top and bottom

2 cups of all purpose flour (I used 9.2 oz)
4 tablespoons sugar
8 oz butter, cut into equal pieces and frozen
½ teaspoon kosher salt (or about 1/4 teaspoon table salt)
ice water

Assemble all dry ingredients in the bowl of a stand mixer. Use paddle attachment on mixer and drop the butter in a few pieces at a time. When the chunks of butter are slightly larger than pea size, dribble in ice water until the dough just begins to come together. Do not wait until it forms a ball. It is ready when it stops looking dry and barely starts to bind to itself.

Stop the mixer and turn it on to a lightly floured work surface. Flour your hands and  just push the dough together into a ball. The dough is ready to use immediately without resting. Divide dough in half and refrigerate during other prep work.

Apple Pie via The New Best Recipe with a tweaks from Smitten Kitchen and Shuna

2 pounds Granny Smith apples
2 pounds McIntoch apples
1½ tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon lemon zest
3/4 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt (or ½ teaspoon kosher salt)
½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground allspice
heavy cream for brushing
raw sugar for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 425°F and put your pie pan in the freezer.

Peel and core all apples and cut into 1/4″ slices. Toss with sugar, lemon juice, zest, salt, and spices.

Roll out a ball of dough onto a lightly floured surface. Dust hands and top of dough with flour and roll out into a circle about 12″ in diameter. Fold dough in quarters and unfold appropriately into the pie pan. Gently press the dough into the sides of the pan.

Move fruit mixture, including juices, into the pie shell. Refrigerate the pie while rolling out the top shell.

Place the top shell over the pie filling and trim the top and bottom edges of the dough to ½” beyond the edge of the pan. Tuck the rim underneath itself so it lies flat with the edge of the pan. Press with fork tines to seal. Cut four slits for steam to escape on the top of the dough.

Brush crust with cream and sprinkle with sugar. Bake for 25 minutes until the top is golden and reduce temperature to 375°F until the crust is deep golden brown and the juices bubble, another 35 minutes or so. Stick a baking sheet under the pie to catch any drips from the cream or the filling to make for easier cleanup.

Transfer to a cooling rack and let cool to almost room temperature, about 4 hours.

Mercilessly taunt the dogs moping under the table, hoping for pie.

“Is something wrong?”

“The shells are still on it.”

It had never occurred to me that anyone could fail to figure out what to do in that scenario. I don’t think the shrimps even had their heads on. Thirteen years later, to my great dismay,  he still expresses disgust at the idea of shrimp heads. And trotters. Some people.

Oxtail stew is a good gateway to the stranger cuts of meat. It’s hearty and filling and full of flavor and eat it is a lot less work than getting the meat from around the incredibly anatomical setup of pig’s feet. The Boyfriend still needed a little guidance on getting to the good bits, but I have confidence that you’ll figure it out. Keep napkins handy.

The original recipe also uses puréed olives (1/2 cup olives to 1 tablespoon olive oil) and Kalamata olives. To reincorporate them, add the olive paste an hour before the stew is done and the whole olives about 2 minutes before.

Oxtail Stew adapted from Staff Meals from Chanterelle

olive oil
1 large onion, sliced
1 piece bacon, diced (or  lardo*, finely diced)
2 large cloves garlic, minced
3 pounds meaty oxtails, cut into 2″ sections
4 cups canned whole tomatoes with liquid
2 cups beef broth
1 cup red cooking wine
3 bay leaves
thyme
oregano
salt and pepper

*Somehow we are the household that always has lardo and crème fraiche but rarely has bacon and sour cream. I know it’s weird. I’m sorry.

Brown the oxtails in a large pot with some olive oil over medium-high heat. Remove the oxtails and add in a tablespoon or so of olive oil  to cook the onions.

Cook the onions until softened and add the bacon and garlic, cooking for about 2 minutes more, until the bacon and garlic are both softened but not burning. Add the oxtails, tomatoes, broth, wine, and herbs and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a low simmer and cook, partially covered, for about 3 hours, until the meat is tender and falling away from the bowl.

Season with salt and pepper and discard the bay leaves before serving.

As I’ve said in the past, I’m not really one for sweets. My preference is to bake and then give away any desserts I make, as I’m usually sick of whatever it is by the time it comes out of the oven. Between checking the batter and testing for doneness, I’ve usually had enough. My mother started complaining about losing her sweet tooth when she was in her twenties, and her mother used to do the same to her, so it with a strong sense of family tradition that I grump to my pups about how I just don’t have an appetite for sweets anymore.

And yet it came to be that after baking these cookies last night, I forced The Boyfriend to join me in a midnight cross-town schlep to give these damn things away. Even in the course of wrapping them up for the delivery, a few of the chocolate devils managed to find their way into my mouth. And somehow during the car ride over, the plate got lighter again. I managed to save some so that I could take pictures in the sun, but as I sit here typing, my mouth is suspiciously covered in crumbs.

I just ate another one. Dammit.

The last time I made these was for a cookie exchange, and they were flown across the continent not long after coming out of the oven so I was spared this horribly delicious fate. This time, I had no one ready to remove them from my presence and I had ran out of chocolate chips and was forced to use chopped Valrhona fèves to make them even more tempting. Help. Another one just found its way into my mouth.

World Peace Cookies by Dorie Greenspan via Smitten Kitchen

makes about 40 cookies

1¼ cups (175 grams) all-purpose flour
1/3 cup (30 grams) unsweetened cocoa powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 stick plus 3 tablespoons (11 tablespoons or 150 grams) unsalted butter, at room temperature
2/3 cup (120 grams) packed light brown sugar
¼ cup (50 grams) sugar
½ teaspoon fleur de sel or ¼ teaspoon fine sea salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
¾ cup  (150 grams) chopped Valrhona fèves or chocolate chips.

Sift together the flour, cocoa and baking soda and set aside.

Cream together the butter and both sugars until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add the salt and vanilla and mix to combine. Add the flour mixture to the batter and pulse a few times to combine, covering the bowl with plastic wrap or a towel to prevent flyaway. Stir in chocolate.

Gather the dough and divide into two. Roll each half out into a smooth log about 1½ inches in diameter and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for at least 3 hours or up to 3 days (you can shorten the cooling time by sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes immediately after wrapping and then moving it to the fridge for 30-40 minutes).

Preheat the oven to 325°F. Slice the cookies into ½ inch slices and bake for 12 minutes. Dough will still be soft. Serve warm or at room temperature with milk.

I couldn’t allow this enormous head of cauliflower to remain where I found him, silently plotting whatever it is that giant cauliflowers plot. Look at the tendrils of his green cauliflower leaf-hands. Can’t you see them unfurling oh-so-slowly? No? Just wait. You will.

Cauliflower, like trolls, are well known for their ability to regenerate, and the only defense against them rising up is to attack with fire or acid.

I chose to do both, first pummeling them with a blast of heat from my burners, and then finishing them off with the slow burn of my stomach acid.

My good deed for the day is done. You’re welcome, universe.

Sautéed Cauliflower

Cauliflower
vegetable oil
salt
pepper
minced garlic
chopped chives
crushed cayenne pepper flakes
grated Asiago cheese

Tear off leafy cauliflower hands and trim the stem. Rinse the monstrous creature under running water and cut it into small florets of roughly equal size.

Sauté in a skillet over medium heat with vegetable oil until golden brown. Season to taste with salt and pepper and add in the garlic. Remove from heat when the garlic is softened and fragrant and toss with the chives, cayenne pepper, and cheese. Eat with the satisfaction of a job well done.