Raccoon and Lobster

This is seriously the most fun I’ve had baking ever and the oven isn’t even on yet. If you have a Kitchen-Aid mixer, I don’t care how lazy you are, you NEED to do this.

The recipe is taken from a posting on The Fresh Loaf and it has very good directions, but what it will not tell you is how much naked glee you will experience watching the dough get the living crap kicked out of it.

Jason’s Quick Coccodrillo Ciabatta Bread

500g bread flour
475g (~2 cups) water
2 tsp. yeast
15g salt

The first thing you’ll notice is that this is a very very wet dough. At first there doesn’t seem like there is any hope that this is going to make anything more than batter. But have faith.

Combine ingredients and beat with paddle until combined. Let rest for 10 minutes. Then turn the paddle up to 6, which will seem like a ludicrous speed. I thought I had it on high when it turns out I just had the speed at 4. The dough is going to start climbing up the paddle after about 4 minutes, and that is when you switch to the hook. When you remove the dough it’s already going to be developing some gluten strands. In the third picture you can see my hastily scrawled notes while I’m mixing and it says “sneeze” in the bottom left corner. Folks, the consistency of the dough at this point is that of a sneeze. I’m sorry. It is. You’re going to touch it to get it off the paddle and go “Ew!” At least it’s not going to be as messy as most bread baking because the dough is so sticky it will cling together.

After a few more minutes of using the dough hook on 6, the dough is going to start cleaning the bowl and form an actual shape. Ten minutes in, everything is going to be spotless and you will catch your mixer trying to walk itself off the counter. It’s going to be loud and the noises it makes are going to be hilarious. You’re going to see the gluten developing and finally understand what those crazy bread bakers are talking about when they say gluten strands. There are going to be some seriously loud, wet whaps as dough gets flung onto the bowl and peels itself off. You’re gonna have to turn your shutter speed up to crazy levels just to get a motion blur picture.

After about 19-20 minutes of mixing, the dough is going to start climbing up the hook and will have completely peeled off the bottom. It looks like a well formed ball in motion but when you stop the mixer, it’s all gonna fall back into a wet sticky puddle again. As you remove it from the hook, it’s gonna be so wet and sticky and stretchy that it gets thin enough to see through.  Pouring it into a well oiled container means long white sheets of dough stretching the full height between the mixing bowl and the counter. I wish I had a picture for you, but somehow the boyfriend managed to sleep through the entire ruckus and it is impossible to do this and hold a camera at the same time. You’re just going to have to make this bread yourself and play with your food. I’m telling you, this is  cool.

Cover the dough and let it rise until tripled, about 2.5 hours. (Please see footnote, both times I have baked it today it has taken about 1.5 hours for the dough to triple.) That’s where I am in the recipe. Update to come in about 2 hours*.

95 minutes to triple today folks! You are gonna love the way this puffball dough falls out of the container. Empty on to a very well floured surface, cut into 4 pieces, spray with oil and flour very very well. Cover with a well floured cloth and let rest for 45 minutes. Now is the time to heat up your oven to 500°.

And batch #1 is in the oven! Due to the necessity of splitting up the baking, and the fact that the yeast is being so active today, the first batch is going in at 30 minutes, and the second will go in at 50 minutes. Splitting the difference as it were. Flip your dough upside onto parchment paper or a well floured peel, stretch it out to about 10″, and slide that sucker into the oven. See you in 20 minutes for the reveal…

Look at this ridiculous oven spring!!! Ye gods!

GOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!

And here is batch #2 for comparison. I turned the heat down to 450° for the last 10 minutes.

So it took 4 people about an hour to devour all the loaves and I started making another batch tonight. I guess it’s safe to say that this recipe is a success. This will be submitted to the bread baking roundup at Yeastspotting.

*Of course, in matters of baking, it takes however long it takes. So updates to come whenever this dough has decided 2.5 hours has passed. Edit: On the second batch it’s taking a little over an hour for the tripling as well. So WATCH YOUR DOUGH to tell you when the right time has passed.