Raccoon and Lobster

As I’ve said in the past, I’m not really one for sweets. My preference is to bake and then give away any desserts I make, as I’m usually sick of whatever it is by the time it comes out of the oven. Between checking the batter and testing for doneness, I’ve usually had enough. My mother started complaining about losing her sweet tooth when she was in her twenties, and her mother used to do the same to her, so it with a strong sense of family tradition that I grump to my pups about how I just don’t have an appetite for sweets anymore.

And yet it came to be that after baking these cookies last night, I forced The Boyfriend to join me in a midnight cross-town schlep to give these damn things away. Even in the course of wrapping them up for the delivery, a few of the chocolate devils managed to find their way into my mouth. And somehow during the car ride over, the plate got lighter again. I managed to save some so that I could take pictures in the sun, but as I sit here typing, my mouth is suspiciously covered in crumbs.

I just ate another one. Dammit.

The last time I made these was for a cookie exchange, and they were flown across the continent not long after coming out of the oven so I was spared this horribly delicious fate. This time, I had no one ready to remove them from my presence and I had ran out of chocolate chips and was forced to use chopped Valrhona fèves to make them even more tempting. Help. Another one just found its way into my mouth.

World Peace Cookies by Dorie Greenspan via Smitten Kitchen

makes about 40 cookies

1¼ cups (175 grams) all-purpose flour
1/3 cup (30 grams) unsweetened cocoa powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 stick plus 3 tablespoons (11 tablespoons or 150 grams) unsalted butter, at room temperature
2/3 cup (120 grams) packed light brown sugar
¼ cup (50 grams) sugar
½ teaspoon fleur de sel or ¼ teaspoon fine sea salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
¾ cup  (150 grams) chopped Valrhona fèves or chocolate chips.

Sift together the flour, cocoa and baking soda and set aside.

Cream together the butter and both sugars until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add the salt and vanilla and mix to combine. Add the flour mixture to the batter and pulse a few times to combine, covering the bowl with plastic wrap or a towel to prevent flyaway. Stir in chocolate.

Gather the dough and divide into two. Roll each half out into a smooth log about 1½ inches in diameter and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for at least 3 hours or up to 3 days (you can shorten the cooling time by sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes immediately after wrapping and then moving it to the fridge for 30-40 minutes).

Preheat the oven to 325°F. Slice the cookies into ½ inch slices and bake for 12 minutes. Dough will still be soft. Serve warm or at room temperature with milk.

Friends, our long national fatmare nightmare of gluttony is almost at an end. No longer shall our lives be filled with the delectable scent of freshly baked cakes, no more shall our stomachs strain against the unrelenting tyranny of a waistband. Freedom is coming, friends. But not today. Today, we eat.

Brown Sugar and Chocolate Chip Pound Bundt with Maple Glaze via Epicurious, with thanks to the Food Librian.

12 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
3 cups all purpose flour (I used 13.8 oz)
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1½ cups packed brown sugar (I used about half dark and half light)
2½ teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon maple extract (omitted in this cake)
4 large eggs
1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 325°F and grease your bundt pan. Mix chocolate chips with a dusting of flour and set aside. This helps prevent them from sinking in the batter. Whisk together the flour with baking soda, baking powder, and salt and set aside.

Beat the butter and brown sugar together until light and fluffy. Have you noticed how there really is very little variation in technique between the cakes? Add the vanilla and maple extracts and then the eggs, one at the time, beating well. Gradually add the buttermilk, alternating with the flour mixture, beating until just combined. Stir in the chocolate chips and pour into your bundt pan. Bake until a cake tester comes out clean, about 55 minutes.

Cool for 10 minutes in the pan before inverting and then drizzle with

Maple Glaze

1 cup powdered sugar
3 tablespoons maple syrup
2 tablespoons whipping cream
1½ teaspoons instant espresso powder (omitted in this cake)
milk

Combine all ingredients in a small bowl and whisk until smooth. Add milk by ½ teaspoon increments to adjust the thickness of the glaze if necessary. Remember that the glaze will become more liquid when it comes in contact with the warm cake.

When I asked for cake suggestions for the remaining cakes, I had no idea that someone would try to set me up as an unwitting accomplice to murder.

My “friend” Jackie asked for two cakes: a Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bundt and a Monkey Bread Bundt. Innocent enough on the face of it. What you don’t know is that both of these recipes have walnuts as an ingredient. An ingredient that is conveniently not listed in the title. An ingredient that her boyfriend is conveniently deathly allergic to. An ingredient that an unwitting baker might cheerfully include in a recipe and serve to Jackie’s loving boyfriend and thus unknowingly become the agent that carries out her deadly plan. Of death.

mgp, if you are reading this, look out behind you. She will not be foiled so easily.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bundt…of Death adapted from Epicurious

1 3/4 cups all purpose flour (I used 8 oz)
2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
½ cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1½ cup canned pure pumpkin
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup whole milk
3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease your bundt pan and set aside. Combine flour, spice, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a bowl and whisk together. In a separate bowl, cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. Add in eggs one at a time. Beat in pumpkin and vanilla. Gradually beat in the flour mixture, alternating with the milk. Fold in the chocolate chips and death walnuts.

Pour batter into bundt pan and bake until tester comes out clean, about 55 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan. Dust with a mixture of powdered sugar and cinnamon. Serve.