Raccoon and Lobster

This used to be a happy blog full of puppy pictures and food pictures and sometimes pictures of food on puppies. Then someone had the terrible idea of starting a push up program and one thing led to another and suddenly I’m posting fitness progress updates and googling for running stretches and ordering my dinner instead of making it.

Way healthier. There must be some sort of conservation effect at work regarding overall fitness. By next week I’ll be living off of jars of Crisco and corn syrup.

I would elaborate on the terrible destructive effects of physical fitness but Rocky is giving me The Look

and it’s time to go running again.

Cirque du Soleil’s traveling show KOOZA came to town! I managed to score discount tickets to the show through Goldstar, and so we headed down to the Santa Monica Pier for an amazing show. There was one ticket available in a front section and I selfishly nabbed it instead of sitting with my cohorts. I ended up 7 rows back from the stage. Kick. Ass!

I don’t think I have to tell you to see it if you can, even if you have to pay full price for tickets. This was the Boyfriend’s first show, and he’s already talking about seeing the permanent shows the next time we’re in Vegas. Next time I might even sit with him.

By the way, if you do happen to get tickets to an acrobatic performance wonderland, you’ll see a lot of extremely fit people on stage. Doing some push ups and going for a run before you go can help stave off a small part of the crippling inadequacy that will overtake you if you compare yourself to these paragons of athleticism. A very, very, small part.

When you are working with a recipe with 4 ingredients, it is especially embarrassing to omit one. And if this is a recipe for bread that you make over and over and over again, it makes you seem especially foolish.

Did all that running shake all of my baking knowledge out of my head? Is this the price I must pay for actually starting to enjoy my runs? Maybe if I secretly add a cup of salt to the olive oil no one will notice how bland the bread is. Dammit.

I have completed another week of running and am once again looking ahead to the next week with increasing trepidation. Until now I’ve been remarkably free of soreness and pain, so when I woke up Saturday morning with a mild, diffuse ache in my right calf, I took the time to really milk the pity. The Boyfriend was not amused, not even when I diagnosed my intermittent discomfort as deep vein thrombosis.

Credit and © Society of Interventional Radiology

He’ll be sorry when I end up thromboting. Thrombating. Thrombosizing.

My impending thrombosis is most likely also the reason why I have completed the 6 week hundred push up program but have not managed to come close to doing my minimum of fifty push ups in a row, much less one hundred. That and Steve Speirs is a brutal taskmaster who designed his program for 18 year old boys bursting with testosterone and human growth hormone. The last two weeks have ramped up in a ludicrous manner and I’m currently considering designing my own sane program to get to one hundred push ups without having scavenge for anabolic steroids in the syringes discarded by the Venice Beach bodybuilders.

I really love this corn chowder but haven’t posted the recipe until now because I couldn’t get a decent picture of the results to save my life. My hard drive is filled with failed attempts dating back to June but I cannot in good conscience hide this recipe any longer. Not after subsisting solely on chowder all day. So do me a favor when you see the pictures and give me the benefit of the doubt, you won’t regret it.

I use Trader Joe’s canned whole kernel sweet corn which is as sweet and crisp as advertised. You can also use fresh or frozen corn, just remember that the better the corn, the better the chowder.

Corn Chowder with Cheddar and Bacon
Makes about 6 cups

3 cups of corn kernels
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 sweet red pepper, chopped
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
14 oz beef broth
1 large potato or equivalent, cubed. I like baby dutch yellows.
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon all purpose flour
1 tablespoon butter
salt and pepper
3-4 slices of bacon, cooked and chopped into pieces
½ cup grated cheddar cheese

In a large saucepan, cook the onion and sweet pepper in vegetable oil over medium heat. When the vegetables are tender but not caramelized, add the broth and potatoes. Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to a gentle simmer. Cover and let cook for 10 minutes. Stir in the corn and cook uncovered until the potatoes and corn are tender, about another 10 minutes.

In a small pan on low heat, make a roux by heating the butter until melted and whisking in the flour. Continue stirring until the flour is completely incorporated and the mixture begins to turn blond, about 1-2 minutes. Slowly add in the milk, stirring until all lumps are gone and the mixture begins to thicken. Pour milk mixture into the corn mixture and continue stirring until the chowder is thick enough to coat a spoon and hold a line.

Add the bacon. Stir in cheddar cheese. Add salt to taste and plenty of fresh ground pepper.

I just did the first day of Week 3 of Couch to 5k. Boy that’s an awkward sentence. The first two weeks place upon you very reasonable demands. You start off running 60 second intervals, and during Week 2 you increase that to 90 seconds. Completely fair. Surely then, Week 3 would involve 2 minute intervals? No, the cruel, unfeeling bastards demand a full 3 minute run from you. To assuage the pain a smidgen, they alternate it with a 90 second run, but that is cold comfort for the likes of me.

I am not a runner. I hate running. Always have. I will not invite ridicule by telling you at which point in this exercise plan it officially became the longest I have ever stuck to a running schedule, but let’s just say it was in the first week. The Boyfriend used to run cross country. He no longer can because his knees don’t work (not a hearty recommendation for his lifestyle, by the way) but he still has dreams about running several times a week and relates them to me wistfully in the morning. When I have a dream where I run the entire time, it’s called a nightmare and I awake filled with feelings of dread and horror. So I have to say that having just successfully finished my seventh Couch to 5k run, I am feeling mighty proud of myself.

The key to this weeks’ runs are that there are only 4 runs total. One 90 second run, followed by a walk, then a 3 minute run and then another walk. Then you repeat. The 90 second runs were easy because I had done them last week,  so I really just had to concern myself with two runs. Back in Week 1 I realized that in 60 seconds I cover about one block. By the way, the area where I live, a single block runs about a quarter-mile. My mother is a cartographer and my father is a surveyor. I wouldn’t lie about something like that. So during both of my 3 minute runs, I simply counted off the blocks as I waited for my iPod to inform that I could stop running. Since there were only two runs I was worried about, it wasn’t too hard to convince myself to keep running until the end. This plan may actually work.

Congratulations Couch to 5k. I still hate running, but a little bit less now.

I am sitting down to write this post having just consumed approximately double the recommended serving size for an North American moose. Perhaps I would have more of a lead-up to this recipe if I wasn’t desperately in need of a post-meal nap. The one thing I will point out is that instead of regular bread crumbs, if you happen to have a slightly stale roll of Rich Man’s Brioche, it makes things even better. And by better, I mean fatter.

Marcaroni and Cheese adapted from Saveur’s “favorite mac and cheese” recipe

serves 4 gluttons or 6 people with self control

1 lb tube shaped pasta
2 tbsp butter
1 yellow onion, coarsely chopped
1 clove garlic
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp rosemary
sprinkle grated nutmeg
1/4 cup white wine
2 tbsp flour
3½ cups whole milk
2 tbsp dijon mustard
1 lb grated cheese – aged gruyere or sharp cheddar are particularly good choices
salt and pepper
2 tbsp coarse bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 400°F. Boil a large pot of water and cook the pasta until not quite done, about 5-7 minutes. Drain.

In a large saucepan, melt the butter and add the onions, garlic, thyme, rosemary, and nutmeg. Cook over medium heat until the onions are soft, 8-10 minutes. Add wine and cook for 2-3 minutes. Stir in the flour and cook for 1 minute, so the flour taste is cooked out. Slowly whisk in the milk then the mustard. Reduce heat to a simmer and stir until the sauce is thick and creamy and coats a spoon, 15-20 minutes. Remove pan from heat and add 3 cups of the cheese to the sauce, one handful at a time. Stir until melted in before adding next batch. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Add pasta to the sauce until well coated and transfer to a baking dish. Scatter remaining cheese on top and sprinkle with bread crumbs. Bake until bubbling and the crust is golden brown, about 25 minutes. Gorge yourself.