Raccoon and Lobster

History is made as the first ever audio post is made! Brave adventurers risked life and limb (mostly limb) to produce the world premiere broadcast of Arthur snuffling for truffles.

Like most hagfish, Rocky is remarkably adept at oozing gooey slime. However, instead of using this ability to defend against predators, he produces it when food is present to create devastatingly slick spots on the floor such that his heartless captors will slip and fall, allowing him access to the coveted treats.

Rocky: is fairly content with poultry flavored enzymatic toothpaste.

Arthur: adores poultry flavored enzymatic toothpaste and would eat it for dinner if he could. Thinks that getting his teeth brushed is the best thing ever. The second best thing is hovering while Rocky’s teeth are being brushed and licking the toothpaste off of his teeth as I am brushing them. Snorfling noises reminiscent of a pig rooting for truffles are optional.

I wish I had pictures. Then I could charge $3.99 a month for the first 3 months and $10.99 for each additional month. Until the feds arrest me for tax evasion.

I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met my pups who had twice as many feet and still no shoes and gave them mine to pose in.*

Rocky: sensible Danish clogs in a practical Mary Jane style. Non-slip, non-marking sole. Excellent arch support.

Arthur: delicate stiletto heels in an ankle breaking 4″ height. Note that he’s not actually resting weight on his feet. That’s because they’re secretly killing him. But don’t they make his paws look fabulous? Great for when the dreamy wolfhound next door drops by.

* Runners up for famous shoe quotes included:

- The shoe-buyer’s puppies go bare-pawed.
- Rocky Raccoon did everything Rock Lobster did but backwards and in really ugly but comfortable clogs.
- Do not judge a pup until he has walked a mile in your shoes that you put on his feet in order to have something to post to your blog on the internet.

This far into the course, findings like these are more or less expected, no?

Rocky: contemplative, civilized, and literate.

Arthur: bad to the bone. B-b-b-b-bad.

Always at the forefront of cutting edge pup identification technology, rockyandarthur blog is featuring the first incontrovertible, irreproachable, authoritative puppy identification device ever devised by man. After years of study based on the known tenets of the science of pup discrimination, scientists have discovered the failsafe identification algorithm, the celery matrix:

Supporting evidence for this world-shattering breakthrough soon to be published in Nature can be seen in the following figures.

Arthur: devours his celery stalk.

Rocky: bites and spits.

Arthur: I’m pretty excited, I guess I can loll my tongue a little, perhaps. For a little while.
Rocky: uncontrollable tongue sprawl at the slightest provocation.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Pursuant to the post dated Monday, July 23, 2007 2:25 PM:

The puppyblog has been informed that a full recall is being made of above post and all claims, assertions, and affirmations contained wherein are to be completely forgotten except when necessity dictates its use as an effective guilt trip mechanism. A government census has indicated that all residents of Chez Raccoon and its subsidiary, The Lobsteria, are currently outfitted with the full complement of toes and furthermore, fulfill all sanitation and safety requirements for their USDA designation as industrial pig farms.

As news of legislative impropriety hits the airwaves, puppyblog is here to offer exclusive scandalous pictures of the transgression from our embedded reporter.

Image enhancement and zoom of the shot reveals a startling breach!

The Senator Rock E. Raccoon III is has pirated the trademark tail curl of one Fats McGee. Especially perverse given that the Senator has recently co-sponsored a bill that would increase the punishments for such trademark violations.

Apparently the distress of such infringement was so great that it drove the zaftig aqua-phobic little pup into the frigid depths of the Pacific Ocean, his only solace in the retrieving of his faithful bumper.

As an independent news source for puppy updates, rockyandarthur blog is not in the business of offering judgment on the private lives of individuals. However, when an elected official reveals himself to be so rife with hypocrisy as to legislate penalties for civilians while abusing his power and position to indulge in those very activities, it seems that there should be consequences. No matter how many black labs may have been present upon that beach.