Raccoon and Lobster

A: Hey Rocky.

R: Hey Arthur, why so blue?

A: I’m just so tired of having to do all this training. The boss lady is always making me go to classes. Hey…I never see you doing anything lately, and you’re always getting away with shit that would get me a couple of hours in the hole. What’s your secret?

R: I sent away for my AKC Canine Good Citizen Certification!

A: Canine Good Citizen? Will I finally stop being hassled for chasing and biting neighborhood children?

R: Yup! You’ll never have to train again and you’ll get treats just for sitting around! Call them, I’m sure glad I did!

I’m told the certificate can be turned in at the local Animal Control for 5 free dog bites!

Arthur: appears in adolescent pictures with a big ole dome head.
Rocky: appears in adolescent pictures with a head that is generously referred to as heart shaped. But really, he has kind of a butt head, no?

Arthur: triangular shaped eyes that angle downward.
Rocky: almond shaped eyes that angle upwards. Or like the creepy guy at the park said, chinky asian eyes like mine.

Arthur: takes his treat filled kong and runs off to his crate to finish in peace. Not very adept at emptying it of its full complement of tasty.

Rocky: is a kong cowboy samurai. Ingurgitates the entirety of his kong in mere moments and then uses the dreaded eyebrow attack to beg for more. When this does not work, he takes advantage of Arthur’s greed to pull a dastardly caper. To whit: he brings his empty kong to the door of Arthur’s crate and drops it purposefully, whistling and shuffling his feet in hyperbolic fashion. Arthur, unable to resist the temptation of stealing his brother’s food, snatches the empty kong, allowing Rocky to saunter in and grab the full treat receptacle for himself while Arthur is none the wiser. He is currently in talks to star in Oceans 14.

Arthur: normal complement of toes and nails.

Rocky: for an undetermined length of time lasting no less than several months, possesses one toenail less than the standard. Plucked out at the base, natch.

One handkerchief, worn two ways. (Wait…now this is a fashion blog??) Get your own handkerchief by passing the CGC today! Or do like Arthur and buy a knockoff from Canal Street.

Rocky: the babushka.
Arthur: the cub scout.

Rocky: officially recognized as a Canine Good Citizen by the AKC!
Arthur: wanted for attempted arson.

I think it’s safe to call the two pup experiment a success. Don’t you agree?